Whenever I'm sad, I always wish my journals were more informative. Wish they told me in greater detail of all the happy times I had, but those are the parts I tend to just keep to myself or only mention in passing. I had a great day yesterday and it ended in the worst way possible. So I'll just sit here alone and cry until I feel better. There really is not much else to be done as far as I can tell or care to do.

The one time I don't ruin a relationship that is really great in my life, someone else comes along to steal it away. I never felt more life dying as I did yesterday and never got as close. It's pathetic if I were to see the problem from a 3rd person's point of veiw, but damn it hurts so much from my own.

When people tell you to grow up or act like an adult, it just mean do what they tell you. Perrhaps that's a dim way of looking at it but it feels real now. To act like an adult would mean I would leave them and start out on my own, but that's not what they want me to do. In fact they just want me to realize I am acting too old for my age and stop what I'm doing. "You're too young to do this so grow up and act your age." Mixed messages?

It is my behavior that caused all this and that is easy to forget, but the actions taken to stop my fun seem extreme in the least. I'm a silly little teenager how easy to forget.

I wish, like most my age, to be older. So until then, cleary, my punishment is too wait for such a day that may never come now. And so my friends, we begin the countdown. 1 year, 2 months, and 18 days until I turn 18. I will not even be free then, how ironic.